Live fast, die young

Everyone is an expert if marketed well. I once erroneously hired a speaker for a mentoring event based on someone's recommendation. The man was paid $100 and was supposed to talk for one hour about networking. He showed up looking like an old pimp (complete with True Religion jeans, a fedora, lots of jewelry: he's in his 60s) and talked about how because he accosts people in coffee shops and "makes friends" he gets all sorts of bonuses. For instance, one time drinking wine he met someone (read: cornered) who has a vacation home in Brazil so he once got to stay in Brazil for free. I thought I was getting a presentation about how to network and received a presentation about how to exploit people....but I digress.

As a company we have a rich and proud tradition of terrible presentations. Several years ago, when I first started working at my current place of business, a member of the HR team gave a presentation at a department meeting on the generations in the workplace. I have no earthly idea where she got the information she presented about Millenials (those just entering the workforce, born from approximately 1980-now...i.e. me and all my stupid friends) but it was outrageous. I still get a little cranky just thinking about it. Please see the following for a selection of some "hot topics" and "need-to-know" data presented about Millenials:
1. They refuse to do the "what" before they know the "why"
2. They question everything
3. Examples of questions they might ask: Why should I listen to you? Why should I tell the truth, obey the rules, and do what I'm told?
4. Difficult to understand and even harder to manage and motivate
5. Difficult to instill solid work ethic
6. A listing of their characteristics: impatient, desensitized, disengaged, skeptical, disrespectful, bluntly expressive

I don't think I need to keep going...

There was another presentation about the generations in the workforce that happened around this time as well that focused on how "they" believe in teamwork and think everyone should get a trophy, just like on their little league teams. This presenter blamed the parents, i.e. himself and others in his generation, for telling Millenials they are special.

But can't you think of people of all ages that are lazy or question authority? Why is everyone picking on us?

OH, it's because everyone blows smoke up our asses. I got a flavor of this today when I received a copy of my performance review for the previous job I was doing here. It literally read like God had allowed an angel to fall from the sky and land right into the position of administrative assistant. The halo effect was in full swing. Now, I think I'm a hard worker and I think I do try more than some but I am not under any illusions that I'm amazing. I was honestly a little offended by the review mostly on the principle that a review is a time to check in on what's going well and what could be improved. I walked away from that review with the same thing I've walked away with from the last four years of reviews: collectively nothing.

I have no idea what I could do to improve, I have no path for development, I have no clear idea of how I can bridge the gap from my current position to one of a supervisory role. I. Have. Nothing. Nothing except for the biggest case of smoke being blown up my ass in the history of the world.

Which, admittedly, is fine. There's no money attached to it, it won't affect my current job, my old boss gets the satisfaction of being done with a review and I get to forge ahead in my fandangled youth, bluntly expressing my wayward feelings all the while surfing the internet as much as I can get away with and unabashedly flaunting my impatience with authority. So really, win-win.

Signed,
The Most Awesome Employee Ever to Exist in the History of the World