Tinkle Time

[READERS BEWARE: MENSTRATION AND BODILY FUNCTIONS DISCUSSED BELOW]

When you're a kid, milestones are fun: first bike without training wheels, first kiss, first trip without your parents. But as you move past 21, it all sort of melts away.

I remember the day I got my period. It was the first day of 6th grade, or at least near the beginning of the year, and I was peeing and my mom was drying her hair and I just said "oh shit." I never got in trouble for cursing because my mother was a realist and this was, in fact, just a bunch of shit.

I've only been grounded once in my life for coming home late from a dance at my boyfriend's school. I never called to tell my parents I would be late so hence, punishment. My boyfriend felt so badly that I got in trouble that he brought me his video game system (so he wouldn't be having fun without me) and baked my mom and dad a pecan pie, from scratch. There is a hilarious picture somewhere of me frowning with the pie.

All milestones from that period of time are looked back on with fondness.

But then one day, I grew up and coming back from an awkward lunch, peed myself. I'm not talking 'laughed too hard and a couple drops sneaked out'; I'm talking PEED MYSELF. This was in my old car for anyone who is panicing. I went to lunch with my at-the-time boyfriend's mom and proceeded to drink 4 iced teas. Boy, do I love a good iced tea and a great waitress. After pausing momentarily and checking in to see if I needed to pee, I decided not so much and went on my merry way. About halfway home, panic set in. I called my boyfriend - "I am so scared! I am about to pee! This is the part of Culver with only residental houses!" I told myself I could totally make it home. I hung up with the boyfriend and proceeded to pee. And, again, not just a little, like a river of pee. It soaked my pants, my seat, and it was so formidable that it actually soaked the back of my seat and my jacket. So much pee.

So I get home and it's the middle of the day and there are no roommates home. I sit in my car for a moment and then make a break for it. I tie a sweater around my waist, hold my books in front of me and beeline for the apartment. I make it all the way up the stairs and reach into my purse for the keys to unlock the door, with dry freedom just in front of me, and realize....my keys are missing. Where did they go? I just came from the damn car and had to have the keys to get home! OH, they're locked in the car.

Now I am sitting on my stoop, sobbing, soaked with urine. Lucikly I'd given the boyfriend an extra key and he rushed over (I can still see him explaining to his boss: "Uh, family emergency??") and he let me in. I ran to the shower and got in, fully clothed, while I sobbed and removed my piss-soaked clothes. WORST. DAY. EVER.

It took a long time to be able to laugh about that. After my shower I called AAA to open my car, praying they wouldn't notice the tinkle.

So, my next exciting milestone happened today. I was casually standing in line waiting for Kogi to arrive and drown me in Korean tofu deliciousness an all the sudden my friend exclaimed:
"MISS JESSICA! You have gray hair - and not just one - a WHOLE LOT!"

Great....another exciting opportunity in growing up. And just one month shy of my 27th birthday.