After regaling a few coworkers with the following story, I decided to post my Christmas lunacy for all. Two of those who heard this actually said: "Wow, Jessica's family makes me feel normal!"
On Christmas Eve, Todd and I headed out to the desert to visit my grandparents, my great-grandma, my parents, brother (and his girlfriend), aunt (and her boyfriend) and cousins. It was a full house. We pulled up in my little hatchback and popped the hatch to remove our gifts. My grandpa and dad were in the garage so they joined us at the curb and asked if they could assist in transporting the merriment we'd brought. My grandpa then asked: "Why do you have a stroller in the car?!?" After explaining that it was not a stroller and was instead a shopping cart for browsing flea markets and farmers' markets, I thought the issue was resolved...
...moments later we enter the house, hugs and kisses and joy abound and then grandpa exclaims: "JESS AND TODD HAVE A STROLLER IN THE CAR!!!!!" I sigh, take a breath, and explain: "As I just explained to Papa outside, it is a SHOPPING CART. There are no babies! Do you see any babies to put in a stroller?!"
His response:
"I don't know what you've got in there! (referring, I assume, to my uterus) When's the last time you two did it???"
Let's recap who's in the room: my mom, my dad, my 88-yr-old great-grandmother, my grandma, my 12-yr-old cousin and my 14-yr-old cousin. In other words, the perfect crowd for speculation about my sex life. I think I just said "Merry Christmas" really loudly and everyone laughed.
Later, after my brother arrived, he got the end of one of Papa's jokes after opening an Axe Body Spray kit he'd received as a gift. Now, one thing you have to understand about my brother is that he doesn't take cologne lightly. You either go big or go home and that kid takes the Jersey Shore approach. So my grandma, knowing his tricks, asked "Did you spray that stuff in the house!??" To which grandpa replied....
"YOU START SPRAYING IN THE HOUSE AND WE'LL HAVE YOU NEUTERED!"
Funny on many levels including the one where his girlfriend works at a veterinary office.
Someone else asked if Christmas was good and it really was. No one got hurt, no one was in the hospital, no one was sick, and no one cried. That, my friends, is a very Merry Christmas!
On Christmas Eve, Todd and I headed out to the desert to visit my grandparents, my great-grandma, my parents, brother (and his girlfriend), aunt (and her boyfriend) and cousins. It was a full house. We pulled up in my little hatchback and popped the hatch to remove our gifts. My grandpa and dad were in the garage so they joined us at the curb and asked if they could assist in transporting the merriment we'd brought. My grandpa then asked: "Why do you have a stroller in the car?!?" After explaining that it was not a stroller and was instead a shopping cart for browsing flea markets and farmers' markets, I thought the issue was resolved...
...moments later we enter the house, hugs and kisses and joy abound and then grandpa exclaims: "JESS AND TODD HAVE A STROLLER IN THE CAR!!!!!" I sigh, take a breath, and explain: "As I just explained to Papa outside, it is a SHOPPING CART. There are no babies! Do you see any babies to put in a stroller?!"
His response:
"I don't know what you've got in there! (referring, I assume, to my uterus) When's the last time you two did it???"
Let's recap who's in the room: my mom, my dad, my 88-yr-old great-grandmother, my grandma, my 12-yr-old cousin and my 14-yr-old cousin. In other words, the perfect crowd for speculation about my sex life. I think I just said "Merry Christmas" really loudly and everyone laughed.
Later, after my brother arrived, he got the end of one of Papa's jokes after opening an Axe Body Spray kit he'd received as a gift. Now, one thing you have to understand about my brother is that he doesn't take cologne lightly. You either go big or go home and that kid takes the Jersey Shore approach. So my grandma, knowing his tricks, asked "Did you spray that stuff in the house!??" To which grandpa replied....
"YOU START SPRAYING IN THE HOUSE AND WE'LL HAVE YOU NEUTERED!"
Funny on many levels including the one where his girlfriend works at a veterinary office.
Someone else asked if Christmas was good and it really was. No one got hurt, no one was in the hospital, no one was sick, and no one cried. That, my friends, is a very Merry Christmas!
My Sweet Child,
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that you have "Words".
Love,
MAUM