Clenched

So today is our holiday off-site for the new department I'm in. Per standard operating procedures, I am dreading it. It is scheduled for 5 hours - from 11am to 4pm and is to be held at the assistant director's house. We are to eat and play Bunco. Both propose issues for me.

First, eating. As always, this department claims to eat a "MOSTLY vegetarian diet" but the sign-up sheet is chock-full of shrimp rolls, pork egg rolls, turkey, turkey broth, and, as always, a little bit of pork shoulder. My boss and I are both making stuffing. She told me hers was "MEAT FREE" so I, accustomed to having to teach people what is and is not an animal asked: "do you use vegetable broth?" and her reply was great: "Oh no, I use chicken broth, but other than that, there's no meat." Uh...chickens are animals which make meat which you have liquified. All lines still lead to meat.

Second, fun. I hate manufactured fun with your coworkers. Bunco is for old people and stepmoms. My old step mom plays it. So does the woman who I used to share a cubicle wall with who I am certain has Asperger's. Awkward middle-aged women LOVE Bunco. Myself, not so much.

So, as you are probably noticing, it's 10:57am. About ten minutes ago I noticed no one was leaving to get to this lady's house so I thought, silly me, 'let's ask her secretary!' I approached the secretary and this is what happened:

Me: Hey! How come no one is leaving?
Her: Uh, I thought 11am was too early. 11:30 is better.
Me: Oh.      Are you telling people that?
Her: Not really...this is the first time I've been involved.
Me: OK, so what time are we supposed to get there? 11:30?
Her: Ya, or 12
Me: O.....K

I just received an invitation to be there at noon. Prepare yourself for a long post of fail tomorrow, my friends.