PG version of a drunk dial

Last night, in a sugary haze of pixie stix and emergen-c, I posted on facebook. I posted about a gripe of mine: when people come to work sick. There is this lady in my department who's been HACKING for a week and it really bugs me. Part of it is an old-school mentality about our managers needing to see "butts in seats" and part of it is an incentive system we've developed that encourages people to come to work even when they're sick because they can "cash out" sick time at the end of the year.

So, last night before class I wrote something like:
"I've drank 3 glasses of water infused with Emergen-C not because I feel sick but because the lady (generous) who sits near me has been coughing like a seal. Now I feel like I can fly and like my face is purple. Maybe a cough wouldn't have been so bad."

In just three sentences I'd chastised a coworker for being sick and managed to insult her personally for not being "a lady."

This morning, right after I woke up, I remembered: I'd accepted her friend request on facebook a few months ago so there is a solid chance she saw my post.

I am truly a jerk.

Hot or not?

I received an email from my professor a few weeks ago asking if I'd like to join her at a conference about nonprofit-government partnerships. Of course I agreed! It was my flex day, what else would I be doing? She let me know a student organization on campus would even PAY for me to go if I sent them my address and some other information that is failing me now.

In any case, I was approved but the day of the conference was fast-approaching and I hadn't heard anything until, while in class, my phone rang while a group was giving a presentation. This doesn't sound like much but I was supposed to be in this group and bowed out when the one guy was a total d-bag about reading a paper. The professor asked, in a very over dramatic way, can someone please volunteer to..." BOOM! My hand was up before he could even finish! YES! I would love to switch groups! Please move me to economic development, something I have literally no interest in just to get me away from this guy. Ugh, and this guy, you would love him. Slicked back hair, laughs at everything the professor says, just a slick mofo. He looks like he would be an asshole.

So these lame-asses were presenting and my phone rang on FULL volume. Then I had to walk outta class because I saw the area code and knew it was coming from someone at school. My heels were loud on the linoleum, click-clack all the way through their presentation, but I answered the phone when I got outside and it was a British man. Huh?

Turns out he was processing my travel and needed my signature TODAY or else they wouldn't be able to pay me. Here is our conversation...

J: Hello?
Richard: Hello there. This is Richard Pierce. I am processing your travel arrangements and would very much like to meet up so that I may get your signature.
J: OK...where are you?
R: I work in the Center for Internships...but I can come to you! Where is your class?
J: Humanities
R: oh, hmmm, well.
J: I know where your office is, I can just meet you there...
R: Let's meet halfway!
J: How will I know who you are??
R: Well, I am wearing a white shirt with subtle stripes, black trousers and I am an average looking gentleman.I'll bring your paperwork right now!
J:...and a pen?
R: and a pen, yes!

Really? who describes themselves as "an average looking gentleman"? I walked downstairs and toward the building where his office is (literally two buildings away, not far) and spotted him in an instant even though 35,000 people go to this school. He looked awkward and shy and uncomfortable. I signed the papers and he asked if I knew where my professor was because she needed to sign her stuff too.

Turns out the professors like to sneak away to a bar off campus on Thursday afternoons after class is over so I asked him if he'd like me to call her to come sign.

R: Really? That would be wonderful!

Is this really that wonderful? It's just paperwork. What a weirdo.

Later I found out that he rushed over there so fast he brought her my paperwork and then he had to walk all the way back to campus and back again to the bar. I think this guy needs an assistant.

p.s. the conference was amazing, I took 15 pages of notes and decided on a policy paper topic which will include me having to call an assemblyman from LA who is a co-author.

Now, with less ulcers!

I looked back at my 30 before 30 and I was appalled. Why am I so set on pressuring myself? I decided I'd make a list of 5 things to do in the next 27 months (oh jeez, is that all the time there is until that birthday?)
1. Finish my masters in May 2013
2. Finish my wedding album
3. Create a spending plan
4. Pay my credit card debt off
5. Learn to drive stick

Here's my logic:
1. I'm going to finish my degree anyhow so might as well make it an official, written-down goal
2. I just bought a Shutterfly groupon that expires at the end of next month for motivation
3. I have a financial advisor that is counseling us pro-bono so might as well take advantage
4. Who wants that?
5. Seems like a safety thing since Todd refuses to buy automatic cars and if we're ever out and he twists his ankle or something...just seems like something I should really know how to do.

I can watch roller derby, pay other people to hem my pants and buy apple pies. No use in doing everything - isn't that an econ principle? Everyone benefits from specialization in a trade economy? I'll edit your grant application if you bake me a pie. Seems fair.

Sad.

I just feel like a lump of sad. If you google image search "lump of sad" you will get cartoons of children either sick or sad at their empty Christmas stockings, fat people, a sad football player, a sad snake, an engine, a man climbing into a fake plane, Jesus with a headache and something about the Tea Party freaks encouraging you to tea bag the liberal dems before they do it to you. It was more fruitful than I imagined.

I feel like quality control is slipping. I'm used to being a good employee and a great wife but now I'm an okay student, an okay employee and an okay wife. I feel like the products that get sent through the last quality control mechanism in the manufacturing process and that I've been turned to the sad pile of off-looking skittles and oddly shaped light bulbs, ready to be melted back down and try it all again. Maybe next time I'll be the right color and shape.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this but someone told me in May or so that I'd "lost my sparkle" and I totally feel it. I'm only really, super happy on the weekends. I am never excited to come to work. It all kinda feels like drudgery. The worst part: I can't tell you what I'd rather be doing. Maybe just doing school full-time? I don't think I'd be done any quicker. What about interning? Not sure I want to go backwards and start fresh. How about something creative? Well then why the heck am I getting a degree?

Until then, I'll just be a misshapen crayon.

To all the boys I've loved before...

I always thought the expression "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" was silly when used in reference to relationships. I know exactly who's walking away: a big turd. Maybe that only works when you lose someone good...I don't know what that's like...haha.

Though I do think the phrase makes sense in reference to things. It might sound crazy, but if you think on it, you'll come up with that favorite pair of scissors you can't find or that Astronaut t-shirt you lost when you moved. Todd talks about a blanket he lost as a child like he lost it in Vietnam during a heated battle but I think it was just left at a hotel.

My mom and I had a flashback last night talking about a giant floating holiday island complete with drink holders and Santa Claus that used to grace their pool. She loaned what became lovingly known as "Aqua Santa" (he has a song, if you'd like to hear it...ask me) and that family broke it. The lady's name she loaned it to was Sarah and when she said that I remembered my childhood friend Sarah who I loaned my mom's Guess? jean shorts to and never got back. She was SO MAD at me and now I understand why.

I got into a little fender bender three weeks ago today. It was my fault, I'll spare the details, let's just say I was distracted (NOT on a cell phone, don't worry). I had to take my car into a shop that took a long time, not because they sucked, they are METICULOUS. But when I got Kikuki (yes, that's her name, she's 100% Japanese) back today, that phrase made sense.

Kikuki is a bright red 2007 Honda Fit sport. She is bright and zippy and sweet. I LOVE that car. It's my first new car, the first car I've ever bought all on my own; it's the car we rely on for road trips, the car that gets me to work and school, the car that has NEVER had any maintenance issues. I LOVE that car. I seriously got a little teary just getting back in the driver's seat.

I've been renting a Dodge Avenger and it was pretty lame. It was big and felt maybe safer than my car - like if someone hit me I might not notice because it was so freaking huge. Todd had been calling it "The Great White Buffalo" and I think that nickname fit. But when I got back in Kikuki I was so happy; I'd missed her! She is so sporty and fun - that car totally suits me and to think, I had been flirting briefly with the idea of getting a newer new car. Shame on me! Can you forgive me, Kikuki?

The Bank of Boobies

School started this week and on Wednesday night I met my friend Sam for a quick dinner. I got in line to pay for a libation and there was a guy walking around stirring chili in a square bucket. Another guy in the line in front of me was pushing coins painstakingly across the counter, looking worried.

As a "do-gooder" I said "Do you need a quarter or two?" and he looked up at me and said "Yes, I'm short."

No problem! I hand a quarter to him and he hands it to the cashier who informs him he's still 3 cents short...so he looks at my wallet, then my boobs, I hand him a nickel. He hands it to the cashier who hands him two cents, which he puts in his pocket.

It occurs to me he has a cognitive disability as he proceeds to stare at my chest and say "That was really nice of you....do I owe you anything?"

Nope.

Blissful Weekend in Paradise

I am lucky to be married to my best friend and we are lucky to travel so well together. This weekend, in the grand tradtion of E&Lee, we took a road trip to San Diego.

Friday we headed down after lunch and played music, let the weekend sink in. We stayed at Hillcrest House and were fed by Ann every morning and given lots of great advice about where to eat, what to do etc. We will stay in the Old Town room from now on - private entrance, giant closet, beautiful room, secluded patio - check, check, check, check!

We checked in there and headed over to Balboa Park. We love Balboa Park. I wanted to get married there but it was stupid expensive. We park behind the Fleet and kill some time before our dinner reservation. Waling around, I am approached by a woman with a giant white bird that she sits on my hand. I was mesmerized. And a little scared. I stood awkwardly while the woman introduced me to Pheobe and all I could say was "WELL THEN Pheobe, I'd like to tell you that we are vegetarians and don't eat any of your relatives...you're pretty." I remained calm and even pet the bird. I gave $5 toward their bird rescue efforts.

We indulge at Prado Restaurant. We had adult libations (pom margarita for me, Irish mule for the old man) and ate til we were absolutely ill. Then it was off to the Ruben H. Fleet for the IMAX movie Wild California. We are distracted by a grandpa there with his two grandsons who are, shall I say, willful? One notable moment occured when the older boy removed his sandals and rubbed his hideous feet all over the glass in front of him. Adorable. Note to self whenever I feel like I want to be a mother, go to a children's museum. End note.

Then it was off to Babycakes for dessert. Carrot cake pleeeease! We were exhausted from all the food so we went back to the HH and crashed.

We awaken early to the smell of coffee and muffins. After eating some granola, fruit and tiny blueberry muffins we head on over to Tiki Oasis to see the car show and look at the vendors. some good, clean, free fun was had by all. I found this fabric for the dining room chairs and ran into Filthy Rotten Wes of KUCI fame.

Then over to the Marsten House and a tour, which made me want to build a giant house on several acres and become a wealthy philantropist. Someday, right?We then headed to Crest Cafe, our favorite diner. What up eggs florentine? What up giant veggie burger? Nothing? That's what I thought.

Then it was back to the nest to get ready for the zoo. We always elect to partcipate in Nightime Zoo @ San Diego Zoo because its cooler and means less people (read: children). We saw a million animals including but not limited to: capybaras, hyraxes, bear cats, all sorts of mokeys and birds, flamingos, Malaysian tiger, hippo, meerkats, zebras, polar bears, elephants (the new elephant enclosure is amazing). We were so excited about animals we upgraded our tickets to annual passes and will be back ASAP.

Then, back to the hotel and a short walk to Hillcrest. We ate a late dinner at Bombay on 5th street. Then it was off to Taang Records where we bought 2 "new" records: Simon & Garfunkel and Velvet Underground on vinyl. The salesperon was EXTREMELY helpful. We just missed our favorite used bookstore Bluestocking Books which closed while we were at Taang. Then, back to Babycakes for a LEMON BAVARIAN cupcake to share.

On Sunday we woke up, more coffee, more granola, more muffins. Dressed and ready, we headed out for the day after getting wonderful hugs from Ann. That place is seriously my favorite. Then back to Tiki Oasis to see my boyfriend Charles Phoenix. He did a "South of the Border" themed slide show that took the darn house down. We sat with Miss Kaye and got hugs from Charles who wore a white linen suit that had various Tijuana paraphenalia spray painted on it in neon colors. Amazing.

I got 1/2 way though "The Help" and found some peace. If I can find the camera, I will post a few photos. This weekend made me want to pack up the gang and move to SD.