I just feel like a lump of sad. If you google image search "lump of sad" you will get cartoons of children either sick or sad at their empty Christmas stockings, fat people, a sad football player, a sad snake, an engine, a man climbing into a fake plane, Jesus with a headache and something about the Tea Party freaks encouraging you to tea bag the liberal dems before they do it to you. It was more fruitful than I imagined.
I feel like quality control is slipping. I'm used to being a good employee and a great wife but now I'm an okay student, an okay employee and an okay wife. I feel like the products that get sent through the last quality control mechanism in the manufacturing process and that I've been turned to the sad pile of off-looking skittles and oddly shaped light bulbs, ready to be melted back down and try it all again. Maybe next time I'll be the right color and shape.
I can't remember if I've mentioned this but someone told me in May or so that I'd "lost my sparkle" and I totally feel it. I'm only really, super happy on the weekends. I am never excited to come to work. It all kinda feels like drudgery. The worst part: I can't tell you what I'd rather be doing. Maybe just doing school full-time? I don't think I'd be done any quicker. What about interning? Not sure I want to go backwards and start fresh. How about something creative? Well then why the heck am I getting a degree?
Until then, I'll just be a misshapen crayon.
Just one minute, Missy.
ReplyDeleteYou are sad, so you went to a sad website?? How does that make sense? Go to People of Walmart, that will make you feel better. As far as being different. That is what we should embrace. Our society should embrace diversity. Even though it seems like it does not, there are a lot of people that do. I don't want a world with perfect crayons, I want stubby, misshaped crayons in a cavalcade of colors. Everybody gets to have off days, you don't have to be the superstar all the time. And the off-looking Skittles...just as tasty.
For the record, I think you're a stellar wife.
ReplyDeleteI know what you're going through. I've hit that wall a few times since I started working at this grown-up job. You're the smartest and hardest working person I know and I'm certain your abilities will help you push through this to get you back to your happy self. Take your time - the cats and I will put on short musical plays for you in the living room to try to cheer you up in the mean time. I suggested Oklahoma to them but they prefer Cats.
Hey, Hey
ReplyDeleteYou get a degree not because it gets you the next job...at least it's not why I am getting that shiny MPA but because it stretches you, because it expands your understanding, because just maybe, something you learn will help you help someone else. You are GROWING and sometimes it is painful. I am NOT going to lie but at the end of this stretch you will be MORE glittery not less. And the next time you get stretching again you will recognize this familiar feeling and that this too shall pass. Now plant a smile on your face and experience the wonderful world of CATS.....