Bookface

Todd and I met on MySpace, through a friend. I likely would not have agreed to meet him but we had a mutual friend and it seemed like a good idea to have a friend grounded in reality, away from the phony internet.

When asked how I met Todd, I reluctantly tell people that we met online. I think I waited a year to tell my family how we really met. 6 years ago, it was cause for concern for my family who assumed only serial killers are online, waiting to prey on girls like me. Plus, I'd had a cousin get in a creepy online relationship and so therefore all online love was forbidden. Now, I think 1 in 5 marriages begins online so it's old hat and no one really blinks an eye.

Then Facebook came around and, at first, you had to be a college student (or at least someone with an email address from a school so it was this funny mix of college students and creeps who worked on campus). It was started by a college student, for other college students and when it was exclusive it was fun, like a sexy online nightclub.

...Then it got awkward when we were all told it would be open to all and that potential employers would check your facebook to check if you're a horrific drunk.

...Then it got fun again when family could join.

But the law of unintended consequences came into play when this happened. The wikipedia page of this concept has a fun picture of the Australian outback with a rabbit-made gully after rabbits were released for hunting purposes. Those rabbits tore shit up and now the release for hunting has had a perverse effect on the ecology of Australia, which no one ever thought of.

Anyway, it's funny when your mom becomes friends with your old roomate who is 110% dude and likes to post totally inappropriate things but it's even funnier when your grandma befriends him and he has to pull you aside at a party where Four Loko is being consumed (not by me) and Screamo is being played (I'm not going to link to Captain Ahab but if you really want to know, you can google it) to tell you that he accepted your grandma's request but had to put her on limited profile access, you know, because of the stuff he posts.

...Then it continues to be funny because your grandma treats facebook like twitter. She signs on, drops a bomb, then signs out and just lets her friends try and figure out if something is terribly wrong. An example would be yesterday's post where she basically said "let's go on an adventure", in a matter of words. It sounded like a drunk confession and then my second grade teacher agreed to join her on her psychotic journey. It's entertaining as hell. One of her friends posted "You live in an exciting world, don't you Carol?"

...Then it gets awkward again though because a lady who retired from my place of business tried to friend request me and I don't want to be friends. Don't get my wrong, there is nothing I have to hide. Anyone who looks at my facebook will not be assaulted with language and drunk photos...though in some pictures I am drinking, responsibly. She is old and records albums and shouldn't. She retired a long time ago and people still make fun of her. Someone in my new department brought her album as a white elephant gift with a $5 pasted to it. It was a little funny because it was so cheesy but it made me so sad. If she knew anyone was making fun of her, it would break her little heart.

So, I say, do as you would in the real world. Befriend who you are friends with, avoid those who you wouldn't go to lunch with, post only what you'd want people to know and go about your happy real-world life. Spend as little time as possible on facebook because if you spend a lot of time there, you will only be navigating awkward conversations with retired christian songwriters and your grandma.