I went to the mall the other day with Julie to return some stuff and we stopped at Subway. OK America, have we not been BOMBARDED with $5 FOOTLONG commercials for what seems like the last two years? Yes. Now, I know I went to elementary school in America but to me, if 12 inches of sandwich costs $5, 6 inches of sandwich then costs $2.50, because $2.50 is half of $5 and 6 inches is half of a foot.
So I order my veggie delight - wheat bread, provolone, lettuce, tomatoes, spinach, black olives, pickles, and tons of banana peppers (That's right no meat and no condiments, proof I am a communist). I do my little crab walk with three Subway sandwich professionals and I hand the lady $3 cash. Now, one thing you have to know about Jessica is her steadfast hatred of when stores dictate which bills and change and cards you can and cannot use. It is all legal tender, assholes. All of it. You shouldn't be able to deny me service because you have to pay some minuscule amount to process my card and you shouldn't be able to dictate if I pay with a $50 or a $5. LEGAL TENDER. The following conversation ensues:
Me: Here ya go.
Subway professional: Um...do you have fifty cents?
Me: No.
[LOTS OF SILENCE AND SCOWLING]
Julie: I do! Here ya go!
My brain was seething - HOW DARE YOU. $3 is perfectly acceptable and YOU should be giving ME fifty cents, stupid.
EXCEPT THAT 6 INCHES OF SANDWICH COSTS $3.50...AND I ONLY GAVE YOU $3.
I'm now just as shitty as the person who gets on the bus and refuses to pay the fare. I am a FARE EVADER.
Dear Julie -
Thank you for 50 cents. I had like $80 cash in my purse at the time and could have afforded it and I am sorry for embarrassing you in front of the young Subway sandwich professional.
Dear Subway-
If you were as committed to my health as you are Jared's you would not discourage me from purchasing the appropriate portions. I still call bullshit on your fiscal policy.
