Last week my monitor died. I called our IS team and they were off site so their fill-in dude brought me a seriously ghetto fill-in monitor to use during the day and then returned after 5pm with a 24INCH monitor. It's crazy big and sort of unnecessary but it's nice to have now that I have it.
Knowing this would cause issues with my diminished coworkers, I called them in to show them so there wouldn't be a riot when I wasn't here and they discovered it. Jem had a super sour face but managed to say "WOW".
This afternoon he walks in my cube with a wooden ruler and says "Hey! Can I measure your monitor? I'm in the market for a new one at home and yours is so nice and large...."
"Sure, it's 24"...but feel free..."
"Ya, mine is 19" but this is large and ya...oh, you were right, it's 24."
"Mmmhmm."
So now we've resorted to measuring our toys? The penis comparison continues...
Friday, February 10, 2012
Jealousy Monster
Getting home from class last night was a disaster because the freeway on-ramp by school was closed so I thought I'd try a work-around only to end up in a scary, dark, industrial area. I ended up getting on a different freeway in the completely opposite direction from home...fail. Home at 10:40pm, WIRED.
I finally fell asleep and just before I woke up this morning, I had a dream Todd had to drive me to work because I lost my keys and he was so mad at me. We got halfway to work and I realized I forgot something else and he wouldn't turn around. I think I must've confused him this morning when I asked "are you mad at me?" after he said "You're so soft!" upon hugging me in my robe. Why would he be mad that I'm soft?? Anxious girl brain.
I got to work maybe ten minutes late but not because of me; it was because of my carpool partner who I love to no end but who is almost always late. I moved a mile or two further from her and we just like each other so much we push it even though it's totally inconvenient. I'm grateful though because I hardly ever feel like driving and she always drives. I still maintain the moment I win a boatload of money I get a driver. I've recently expanded my driver to a team of people - I want a nutritionist, a trainer, a driver, a stylist, a hairdresser and a personal assistant. I suppose those could all be one or two people, I'm not picky.
Anyway, I was late. And then I left to get coffee because there was just no way 5pm was going to happen without it so I walked with my friend to our local coffee place and came back, started typing a memo. Now, you have to understand I am not a quiet typist. I type like a Staten Island secretary in the 80s. SASSY AND LOUDLY.
So it surprised me when my coworker (yes, the stupid one) turned off the lights. "Why did you do that?!" I asked. His reply: "Oh, I didn't know you were here."
Yes he did. He knew. He was just mad because I was late and because I left to get coffee and that I turn the lights on. Yes, you read that correctly. He thinks we should all work by natural light. We don't need this artificial lighting! However I can't see a goddamn thing without the lights so it's always a constant battle with him saying underhanded things like "How was your vacation? It was so nice to have all the lights off last week..."
I've decided to call him the Jealousy Monster - or Jem (As in, WHAT A GEM!) for short. When I told Todd he wrote:
I finally fell asleep and just before I woke up this morning, I had a dream Todd had to drive me to work because I lost my keys and he was so mad at me. We got halfway to work and I realized I forgot something else and he wouldn't turn around. I think I must've confused him this morning when I asked "are you mad at me?" after he said "You're so soft!" upon hugging me in my robe. Why would he be mad that I'm soft?? Anxious girl brain.
I got to work maybe ten minutes late but not because of me; it was because of my carpool partner who I love to no end but who is almost always late. I moved a mile or two further from her and we just like each other so much we push it even though it's totally inconvenient. I'm grateful though because I hardly ever feel like driving and she always drives. I still maintain the moment I win a boatload of money I get a driver. I've recently expanded my driver to a team of people - I want a nutritionist, a trainer, a driver, a stylist, a hairdresser and a personal assistant. I suppose those could all be one or two people, I'm not picky.
Anyway, I was late. And then I left to get coffee because there was just no way 5pm was going to happen without it so I walked with my friend to our local coffee place and came back, started typing a memo. Now, you have to understand I am not a quiet typist. I type like a Staten Island secretary in the 80s. SASSY AND LOUDLY.
So it surprised me when my coworker (yes, the stupid one) turned off the lights. "Why did you do that?!" I asked. His reply: "Oh, I didn't know you were here."
Yes he did. He knew. He was just mad because I was late and because I left to get coffee and that I turn the lights on. Yes, you read that correctly. He thinks we should all work by natural light. We don't need this artificial lighting! However I can't see a goddamn thing without the lights so it's always a constant battle with him saying underhanded things like "How was your vacation? It was so nice to have all the lights off last week..."
I've decided to call him the Jealousy Monster - or Jem (As in, WHAT A GEM!) for short. When I told Todd he wrote:
Didn't know that [Jem] was the official director of office lighting. You'd think he was paying the electric bills. You know, he helped design light bulbs... Ohhh wait... That was Thomas Edison.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
No to socks
One of the worst presents I ever received was from an old boyfriend's mom. She looked like Stevie Nicks and was likely very high when I ate an awkward Italian dinner with her and the ex but that was before I knew what being high meant or what people looked like when they were high. She asked me a lot of questions like I was an adult but I was only 14.
His dad was my art teacher and would thank me for "being a good influence" on him. Which again, looking back was another really strange thing to say to a 14-year-old. At the end of our stupid dinner she gave me a gift. I think her gift that night soured me on socks forever.
I know they're not socks, really. They're more like completely useless crocheted hippie foot jewelry that inappropriately links your toe to your ankle. Doesn't matter. I was forced to wear them whenever we saw his mom and therefore I will boycott socks forever. Sorry Becky, blame Stevie Nicks.
Also, her son was a massive asshole.
His dad was my art teacher and would thank me for "being a good influence" on him. Which again, looking back was another really strange thing to say to a 14-year-old. At the end of our stupid dinner she gave me a gift. I think her gift that night soured me on socks forever.
I know they're not socks, really. They're more like completely useless crocheted hippie foot jewelry that inappropriately links your toe to your ankle. Doesn't matter. I was forced to wear them whenever we saw his mom and therefore I will boycott socks forever. Sorry Becky, blame Stevie Nicks.
Also, her son was a massive asshole.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Liar, liar, pants on fire
They say it takes about a year to feel like you have your bearings in a new job and I feel like I finally, after a year and a half, get to experience that feeling. I can tell you what I do and about my to do list and what I want the job to look like moving forward.
Sadly, it apparently it takes longer to lose the pain of NOT getting a job. Last week I had an exchange with a coworker who unsuccessfully applied for this position and it was simultaneously not my proudest moment but also very satisfying.
I had a technical issue and contacted our IS staff. They came by, coworker intervened:
IS: Hey, just wanted to come by and check if you were able to resolve the issue...
me: Oh ya! I found the right database! It was just linked in that other place but now it's not; it's ok...I can access it from wherever it lives...
him: [scurries out of his cube] Oh, ya, I've been really worried about her
me: You don't need to worry about me...stay in your lane.
him: [something about the database, I forget...]
me: We're talking about the one that [a former coworker] built..
him: I know, I helped put all of that together.
me: Mmmm...I don't think so...this is the one he built...
him: "Are you calling me a liar?"
me: "I guess I am!!!"
Oh the exciting positioning of egos. I'm just tired of the whole "my dick is bigger than yours" thing with this guy. I don't want to brag, but...
anyway.
Why is everything going by so quickly? I want to savor January and it is rushing itself. Please stop!
Sadly, it apparently it takes longer to lose the pain of NOT getting a job. Last week I had an exchange with a coworker who unsuccessfully applied for this position and it was simultaneously not my proudest moment but also very satisfying.
I had a technical issue and contacted our IS staff. They came by, coworker intervened:
IS: Hey, just wanted to come by and check if you were able to resolve the issue...
me: Oh ya! I found the right database! It was just linked in that other place but now it's not; it's ok...I can access it from wherever it lives...
him: [scurries out of his cube] Oh, ya, I've been really worried about her
me: You don't need to worry about me...stay in your lane.
him: [something about the database, I forget...]
me: We're talking about the one that [a former coworker] built..
him: I know, I helped put all of that together.
me: Mmmm...I don't think so...this is the one he built...
him: "Are you calling me a liar?"
me: "I guess I am!!!"
Oh the exciting positioning of egos. I'm just tired of the whole "my dick is bigger than yours" thing with this guy. I don't want to brag, but...
anyway.
Why is everything going by so quickly? I want to savor January and it is rushing itself. Please stop!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Not my people
I'll never forget the moment I really started to understand what the phrase "these are not my people" means. I was standing around with 3 coworkers and two were talking about going to Mammoth, as in Mammoth Mountain, as in snow and exercising outdoors. They paused at one point in the middle of their gushing about Mammoth to ask "What is the highway you take into Mammoth again? It's been so long..." and I looked at the other coworker who hadn't said a word since the beginning of the conversation and we both shrugged: Our people do not vacation in Mammoth. We take road trips and make things. While you are discovering the freshest snow, we are discovering the freshest pies. No judgement, it's just not our thing.
Lately I feel like I've been joining a lot of organizations that are filled with people who are not mine. Loud and lazy volunteer club, sorority-infused women's networking group etc. When we meet I want to be focused on what you're saying and the work we're doing and not on how meticulous your eye makeup is and how many times you've pretended not to hear someone calling your name for help with something heavy.
Maybe I've just become more of a hermit or maybe I'm displeased with the fact that these people, the ones I have a hard time getting motivated to being around, are the ones who will get me my next job. I feel like I'm not listening to my heart when I agree to spend more time with them but I also feel like I need to commit to these programs so I can truly decide if it's for me or not. I usually approach these situations like I did dating: we meet, I don't care for you, I don't try to force it, a second date is never set. But now I feel like I'm an adult and I will always have to work with people I don't care for so, might as well give it a try.
I met with someone from the sorority-infused women's networking group this morning who let me know our next conference call would be during my vacation - the only vacation I will likely take this year. I said "oh darn, I'll be out..." and she replied "CALL IN! Lots of people call in during vacation and travel because it's not really work!"
REALLY? The only time I've had off of work AND school since August of 2010 you're going to tell me that I should totally spend an hour plus talking about hot topics affecting women in the public sector? No offense...but I plan to be at Disneyland.
Little does she know how hard it was to even get excited about meeting and that I purposely dressed a little weird (business casual weird?) so she'd get the hint that I'm not her people. But maybe I sort of am?
Lately I feel like I've been joining a lot of organizations that are filled with people who are not mine. Loud and lazy volunteer club, sorority-infused women's networking group etc. When we meet I want to be focused on what you're saying and the work we're doing and not on how meticulous your eye makeup is and how many times you've pretended not to hear someone calling your name for help with something heavy.
Maybe I've just become more of a hermit or maybe I'm displeased with the fact that these people, the ones I have a hard time getting motivated to being around, are the ones who will get me my next job. I feel like I'm not listening to my heart when I agree to spend more time with them but I also feel like I need to commit to these programs so I can truly decide if it's for me or not. I usually approach these situations like I did dating: we meet, I don't care for you, I don't try to force it, a second date is never set. But now I feel like I'm an adult and I will always have to work with people I don't care for so, might as well give it a try.
I met with someone from the sorority-infused women's networking group this morning who let me know our next conference call would be during my vacation - the only vacation I will likely take this year. I said "oh darn, I'll be out..." and she replied "CALL IN! Lots of people call in during vacation and travel because it's not really work!"
REALLY? The only time I've had off of work AND school since August of 2010 you're going to tell me that I should totally spend an hour plus talking about hot topics affecting women in the public sector? No offense...but I plan to be at Disneyland.
Little does she know how hard it was to even get excited about meeting and that I purposely dressed a little weird (business casual weird?) so she'd get the hint that I'm not her people. But maybe I sort of am?
Friday, December 16, 2011
Released into the wild
Upon commenting to my BFF that finals are over and that I now feel like a caged tiger released into the wild, I was sent an email with the subject: "Is this you?" and the following photo:
It's good to have friends.
It's good to have friends.
Medjool Dates are the new Sno-Cones
I like writing about my embarrassing moments. Not because I like reliving them but because I feel like a lot of the time we're all working to look like we've never peed or pants or made mistakes or done something weird and that maybe my sharing will make everyone want to share too. Because let's face it, f-ups are funny.
My story begins in the summer of 2004 when I was a junior at UCI. I moved directly from the equivalent of a sorority house (mine was co-ed for those in my major) to an apartment on-campus. Filled with social awkwardness and the anxiety that my previous living situation was less than zesty, my mom took me to sign in and set up my room.
As we checked in the girl behind the table exclaimed "HEY! We're in the same building!!!" To which I replied:
"I have a sno-cone machine; you should come over and we can have sno-cones."
I forget her reply but I'm sure she was confused and likely had a moment of reflection wherein she reminded herself to stay FAR away from me and avoid me when she saw me approach the building we unfortunately shared.
I have never lived this moment down and my mom and Todd still remind me of it now and again. To me, friendship is about sharing. I like being able to help someone find a new dentist or to feed people or to bring someone a little token I know they'll appreciate.
I've tried to forget it but a couple nights ago I was on the other end of the awkwardness. I went to a mixer after turning in my term paper and met some very nice women in a sister program. We chatted, I think there were 6 of us. At the end of the mixer this girl points at me and a professor and exclaims "HEY! You two should come get dates! I'll bring them in at 4 tomorrow!"
It was....adorable. Totally socially awkward but filled with the love of wanting to share and make new friendships. Her parents own a date farm and she often is sent back to school with lots of organic, fresh, amazing medjool dates. I have a feeling we'll be fast friends.
My story begins in the summer of 2004 when I was a junior at UCI. I moved directly from the equivalent of a sorority house (mine was co-ed for those in my major) to an apartment on-campus. Filled with social awkwardness and the anxiety that my previous living situation was less than zesty, my mom took me to sign in and set up my room.
As we checked in the girl behind the table exclaimed "HEY! We're in the same building!!!" To which I replied:
"I have a sno-cone machine; you should come over and we can have sno-cones."
I forget her reply but I'm sure she was confused and likely had a moment of reflection wherein she reminded herself to stay FAR away from me and avoid me when she saw me approach the building we unfortunately shared.
I have never lived this moment down and my mom and Todd still remind me of it now and again. To me, friendship is about sharing. I like being able to help someone find a new dentist or to feed people or to bring someone a little token I know they'll appreciate.
I've tried to forget it but a couple nights ago I was on the other end of the awkwardness. I went to a mixer after turning in my term paper and met some very nice women in a sister program. We chatted, I think there were 6 of us. At the end of the mixer this girl points at me and a professor and exclaims "HEY! You two should come get dates! I'll bring them in at 4 tomorrow!"
It was....adorable. Totally socially awkward but filled with the love of wanting to share and make new friendships. Her parents own a date farm and she often is sent back to school with lots of organic, fresh, amazing medjool dates. I have a feeling we'll be fast friends.
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